Tightrope walker

So I spent pretty much all of Brandon's message crying on Sunday. The sweet lady next to me, never seen her before, kept patting my arm. He was talking about parenting, God's way, and who knows what she thought. Don't care. But, I will tell you I was crying for everything that was wrong in my life and being raised by an evil tyrranical father, balanced by a patient, unconditionally loving mother, and how all that is redeemed and made right every time my husband walks in the door from a job that is well, to say the least, not his passion, and he leaves it behind EVERY day and walks right in with joy and hellos and so precious to his three children.
Every day what was wrong with my childhood is redeemed by my husband and father to my children. Every day.
And so, I was crying for all that is right, all that brings me joy. And though we are far from perfect as parents, we are doing the best we can and he makes it so easy, so fun, such a joy to bear the overwhelming responsibility of shaping these eternal souls for true purpose.
When we were in europe, I lived every day with the real possibility that any day he might not come home. He was literally risking his life for the gospel and intentionally putting himself where others would not go. And so each day I knew he might not come home and well, I made myself okay with that. Just one kid mind you.
Now that there are three, and now that we have been in the parenting game for almost 6 years, I shudder at the thought that something fatal would happen to him. I can't do this without him. Yet, I have to live releasing him to live his passion, no matter how dangerous...
It is a delicate balance.
I am a tightrope walker.