Guilt

Now the littlest little of mine is sick. That makes three kids, 5 ear infections, and one tired and emotional mama. I feel so guilty, like I have done something intentionally wrong, every time my kids get sick. So much so that I even asked the pediatrician today what it is exactly I have done wrong or could do better to prevent this kind of mayhem in the future. I was serious.
He laughed.
No, really, he did.
Then he told me he was speechless.
Thanks.
What he meant was, there is no explanation or fault...
oh, okay...
Still on the verge of tears.
I mean, does he know how it feels when my two year old, who two months ago was not talking, comes wailing down the hall at 3:38 am, "I hurt Mama, I hurt!!!" and how do I explain to him that he had motrin an hour ago and there are 6 more hours to go until he can have it again. Damn that motrin that he is STILL in pain.
This is why I feel guilty. I mean, should I have given tylenol that time? turned on the heating pad and risked burning his face just to soothe his aching ears a bit more?
How my mother did not die a million deaths inside when my brother committed suicide I will never know.
I guess 5 ear infections is not so bad...