Dear Notorious,

You read a book this week called "Families". It talked about all kinds of families, grandparents, aunts and uncles. That was nice. It also talked about some things that I really did not want you to know about in 1st grade. Things like divorce, and death, and step-parents. You read it with Yaya and the next morning, you had some questions for me.
I am sad that you even have to ponder and question things like families not staying together no matter what. That you would even fathom that mamas and papas might live in different houses. And then you asked what I have been dreading. You told me you didn't know who my mom and dad were. I reminded you that Yaya is my mama. You knew that already. Then, you asked where is my dad. I told you I don't know. And that was the truth. But not the whole truth.
You are too young for the whole story. It is too sad. And horrible. I don't want you to know about this but someday, you will be old enough to understand. And hopefully not be scared.
One day, I will have to explain to you about my dad. I will tell you that he was very very mean to me when I was a little girl. He told people that he never wanted me. He never told me that, at least that I remember. But I felt it. Every. Single. Day. He was critical of everything I did. Nothing was ever good enough, right, fast enough, never. And then sometimes, he was nice. He would take me places like the State Fair. We would have fun. But then he would be mean again. I was so confused when I was a little girl. I was always scared he was going to yell and I never knew just what it would be that might make him so mad. I tried hard all the time to be quiet and to stay out of his way. To not eat the wrong thing at the wrong time or go outside and come back in too many times. No matter what I did and tried not to do, I always got yelled at and criticized. He never told me why he was so mean, he just was. Yaya was a very good mama and she tried to protect me. She kept our home peaceful as best she could. She was calm and never yelled. She spent all of her time with me and told me how precious and valuable I was and that the way he acted was not my fault.
When I was in middle school, I cried and asked Yaya to please leave and take us somewhere safe. She wouldn't and she told me I didn't understand that marriage was a covenant before God and that she couldn't go. Not yet. So, we stayed and I tried so hard to be good and brave.
I finally left home to go to college and he didn't even like what I was choosing for my degree even though Yaya paid for it all. He was mean and I was beginning to understand, finally, that there was nothing I could do about it. He had some problems and I wasn't able to help him, just protect myself.
When you were a baby, he got meaner and meaner. One day he was mean to you and Papa when Yaya and I were gone and we knew that it wasn't safe for us to be around him anymore.
That was the year that we moved to Spain, and Yaya moved away from that mean man and got her own home. Remember the one with the fishing pond and the green park? You loved to be there.
Now we are all free from him and the bad things he did all of my life. Yaya did the right thing for 40 years until God gave her peace in her heart to leave. I am so glad she did because now we have a peaceful family and we never have to worry about anyone being unwanted or anyone being mean to my children.
Someday you will understand what this means. There is even more to the story that I will tell you when you are older. But for now, I want you to know that Mama and Papa and Yaya love you. We will always love each other. I waited a long time and asked God to bring me a husband that would be kind and fair and gentle with my children. When I met Papa, I knew God answered my prayers. He loves you and Pitufo and Tiny the way I longed to be loved as a little girl. He is fun and gentle and loving and fair. He thinks everything I do and cook and the way I take care of you is amazing and wonderful. He is everything I have ever wanted. Ever.
We will always love each other, and be nice to each other. And to you.
We are a family. We will always be a family.
Always.

Love,
mama