I got sucked into the blogosphere last night until 10 pm which is like 2 hours after my preferred bedtime seeing as Pitufo usually is up and at em before 6. I stummbled somehow upon a blog of a mom who had recently lost her 5 year old in a drowning accident. While she watched! The little girl was playing a game, bobbing up and down in the water, only the last time she didn't come up. It is the most horrendous thing I can imagine and left me full of anxiety and empathy and wanting to pull all my children in to my bed and never let them leave the house again. Seriously, I almost did not take notorious to school and just chalk it up to homeschool practice. That and he had been home all week on fall break and it was just idyllic having all my little chickens together all day every day.
Then my dreams were full of evil substitute teachers in my child's classroom, then the house alarm went off about 2 am, for real, and scared the *&*&($ out of me and Pompey. Then Pitufo lost his te-te, then he was up with itchy eczema and then up with a cheery good morning before I had even had a full hour's sleep for the night. Not good for Martha.
The B-I-G ended up going on to the dreaded school for the day and I am obsessively poring over this woman's grieving blog and I can't stop myself. At least I worked out so I am not heaving with sobs imagining her loss as mine but still. HOW does a mama survive that? My mom did and I still do not know how, cannot even fathom the thought. I love my children so fiercely and deeply and just their mere absence for an hour, a school day, a night out, makes my heart wrench and I have to make myself be okay with it. And I am not even an overly loving super concerned mother. Pretty laid back about it all if you asked me to assess myself. But therein lies a deep deep deep vein of unconditional love that just would never die even if the child did. How do you live with that every day? I want to call this woman and just ugh...sigh with her. I know grief all too intimately and maybe the holidays and my own loss is why this is so seemingly cathartic for me but wow. I know you go on, you just do but oh the imaginable pain I am empathizing for this mother is slaying me today.
I look at my little nest and think at what fleeting unassuming moment in this sweet life is one of them going to forever be inexplicably yanked from my heart, from my arms, from my every day.
Do other mothers worry about this? I know bff does but does anyone else FEEL this fear like we do?
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4 months ago
3 comments:
Feel the same way too. email me that lady's blog. I would like to check it out.
Oi, achei seu blog pelo google está bem interessante gostei desse post. Gostaria de falar sobre o CresceNet. O CresceNet é um provedor de internet discada que remunera seus usuários pelo tempo conectado. Exatamente isso que você leu, estão pagando para você conectar. O provedor paga 20 centavos por hora de conexão discada com ligação local para mais de 2100 cidades do Brasil. O CresceNet tem um acelerador de conexão, que deixa sua conexão até 10 vezes mais rápida. Quem utiliza banda larga pode lucrar também, basta se cadastrar no CresceNet e quando for dormir conectar por discada, é possível pagar a ADSL só com o dinheiro da discada. Nos horários de minuto único o gasto com telefone é mínimo e a remuneração do CresceNet generosa. Se você quiser linkar o Cresce.Net(www.provedorcrescenet.com) no seu blog eu ficaria agradecido, até mais e sucesso. If is possible add the CresceNet(www.provedorcrescenet.com) in your blogroll, I thank. Good bye friend.
Did you understand the above stuff at all???
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