life

I love my life. Love all that it entails. Even the things that I don't adore, make the love of the rest of it so much sweeter.
I have been following Nie Nie's dialogues for months now and her post from last night gripped my heart. She is a mom like me, who was almost fatally burned in a plane crash. She is recovering and dreaming of the day that she can go on a date with her husband, make dinner for her family. I imagine she is longing to pick her children up and hold them in her arms. I would be.
There is nothing I fear more than something happening to me that I would die (!!!) or be left unable to cook and throw parties and dance and push Benjamin in the little car that is way too small for him me running and both of us laughing and squealing like little girls. God forbid I ever need the grace to recover from anything other than childbirth.
It is my joy to be a family. Having a baby was so challenging at first. And struggling with not giving up all of ME, who I am, the essence of Martha, to be Mama, was difficult. Uncharted waters. But then, I learned. I learned that all that I am, the essence of me, is what makes me a mother. It is my heart given 100 thousand percent that IS me. Whether it is in the classroom, in the kitchen, growing a baby, playing with those babies, cleaning my house, folding loads of laundry. It IS me. There is no division unless I make one.
And with that realization I became content. Content to wear a dress and earrings and red lipstick all day at home. Just for me. Because I AM me. Don an apron and the day is complete.
I love the appendages that are children. They make me better, stronger, more diverse, certainly more fun.
I really do live like every day is a gift. I live like that because I believe it. And because so many I know would give anything to have a husband, children, or just the strength to do even the mundane in the name of love.