All consuming

My blog posts roll around in my head all hours of the day and night but actually getting to the pc with two hands doesn't happen much these days thanks in full part to my beautiful darling nursling girl and her three precious brothers.
Today, there is a moment to document.
I made a mental list of things to accomplish this summer. Mainly the big boys room that before baby had been under my strict jurisdiction of order and cleanliness and now 14 weeks post baby, not so much.
I had visions of a wall of hats, both dress ups and real, and a collage of sorts of old photographs, their amazing artwork memorabilia from my grandfather's oil company...and that is all done. This morning I set them out on the task of downsizing their toys and dress ups and choosing things to give away. Which means I will trash most of it. After I sort through it myself. Seeing as Pitufo chose to give away toys we brought from Spain. Uh. No. Maybe those should go in my personal toy box...
So, boys room is satisfactorily checked off "the list".
Now on to sister's corner of the hers and Tiny's room. I am downright obsessed with her things-clothes, bows, jewelry, bonnets, decor, you name it. Honestly, I think it is a combo of having another girly outlet because I am incorrigibly girly and the heart FULL celebration of answered prayers and the total relaxation I feel at having my family feel complete. Finally.
She lights up like a Christmas tree when we talk to her and coos and chatters back in her sweet baby girl voice. I knew having a girl would be somewhat different but it is SO different. her little cry is just so so so pouty sad and her little voice is so high and delicate. It thrills me to my marrow I swear.
I wish I could bottle the hope that has been restored in me and the tenderness that God has wrought in my heart as a result of our journey of faith for her. I know the day, or days, will come when our testimony will be the spark to keep someone else afloat. My greatest hope for my life and my children is that above all God's glory would be revealed in us and through us.
Notorious has taken a turn to big boy land. I had to call fellow MK mother of four lads for insight and HELP because he abruptly left little boy land and entered the gates of competitive, aggression, able to reason and site the source of his feelings and deal with the Holy Spirit as we talked out his feelings and choices...gave me a glimpse into what lies ahead as we forge friendship while parenting. It is a whole other level to parent a child as fellow Christ followers. I love that he gets true forgiveness, repentance, the fruit of the Spirit...amazing.
Pitufo is gearing up for his first year of school and I just could barf thinking of sending him away every day. Again, I grapple with what I want vs what is best for them and I know I could no way do as good as a job as the teachers at our school, especially not with a new baby. but every year, it breaks my heart to send my kids to school. But so far, not ready to tackle it myself. He is so bright and such a great reader. I have no idea what they are going to do with him in Kinder but they'll figure it out.
Tiny will be the only big kid at home come August and I am looking forward to soaking up time with him, my little comic genius. He is so stinking funny, I cannot even put words to it. I think he is going to be a big guy like Notorious and Pompey. Pitufo seems to take after my side of the family being smaller stature. I love his combo of total boy with extreme sensitivity. Reminds me so much of my brother.
Parenting is the deepest, hardest, most fulfilling thing I could ever do. I had no idea the depths it would take me to. Of love, fear, joy and trust...
Pompey and I celebrate 10 years of marriage in a few days and I am so pleased with all that we have done with our lives together. I could not ask for anything more. Ever. My heart is so full and I am so thankful, so mindful that all this, even my children, is fleeting...
Which is why I embrace the consumingness of a new baby. I never leave her. Nurse on demand. Hold her all the time. Because really, it is a matter of months before she figures out some independence, that she doesn't need me for every living breath or meal. And as much as I want her to do that and reach those milestones, I dread the letting go. I love having a baby, nurturing that tabula rasa, being the one who develops her schema for love and life and needs met and comfort. Knowing she is my last makes me savor it like I did with the first...it is all consuming. And I would not have it any other way.