03/31

Content. Fulfilled. Complete.
Normally at this point postpartum, I feel overwhelmed, cocooned, vulnerable. Avoiding visitors all together the first six weeks. But this time, it's different. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like the Lion King wanting to hold my little Simba up for the whole jungle village to see. I cannot exactly pinpoint what is different this time. I am older, a more experienced mother, my children are all older and well trained, I have so much support at home and church and with other friends and family. Maybe all those things add up where before only parts of those elements existed in my life when a new baby came along.
This tiny girl is beyond perfect. She eats great, sleeps great, never cries except when I have to bother her awake to eat and get a diaper change and even then it is more a protest than a wail. She is just the fulfillment of all ALL of us have wanted and hoped for and prayed for. No pressure little girl.
The littles are just enthralled with her every move and breath and I am happy to share her with them. Even in just the few days she has been out of the belly, all their in belly bonding is paying off big time. They take turns holding her and talking to her. I can only imagine what it is going to be like when these reflexive smiles turn in to responsive smiles. We are going to be one big goofball of a family.
They appreciate life and details just like me and Pompey. Every outfit change, blanket adjustment, awake time, they are observing and enjoying and absorbing. The feeling that she belongs to them as much as to me. And she does.
Her first week got off to a rough start with some serious jaundice and being back in the hospital unable to hold her 24/7 was my personal mother's hell. I compromised by keeping my hands on her at all times which kept her happy and me happy. Sigh...but now we are home and acclimating to life with a gentle spirited newborn.
I am restraining myself from planning outings with friends at to Keystone, reminding myself she is so little and vulnerable. I just feel so good, emotionally and physically, that I want to bask in God's goodness with the people I love and who have stood with me, hoped with me, and were ready to catch me if I fell. She is more than an answer to prayer, she is the embodiment of hope, a reconnection to faith for me. Not her exactly perse, but the answer that she is to many years of searching and praying.
I am beyond thankful, even more hopeful, and most decidedly content in a way I have never been before. Really, I could not ask for anything more. Ever.