Baby fever

Good lawrd what is happening to me?? Maybe it is my biological clock ticking but does that happen after you have already had kids?
Is this some divine sign telling me to have another?
What kind of crazy am I wanting four kids? I just know I DO, I won't be complete without another, it is the strangest, spriritual, deep knowing.
Does anyone else feel this way?
I know now is not the time. Or is it? I am on a roll losing weight and we all know what pregnancy does to every woman in my family. Not pretty. Eye roll. But right now, I don't even care about that. Pounds can be lost.
But I want to be healthy and that makes now not the time. Right?
Then there is this crazy yearning. So I ask myself again is now the time? Rhetorical I know.
Still.
I wonder if this is how it feels when you can't have a baby. The craving. The yearning. Wanting the good with the bad. Or maybe how it feels when you are in the process of adopting. So close yet so far away.
And then there is the gender question. Do I really want four boys? Honestly, my desire for a fourth is so strong I don't really care but on the flip side, I have been praying for a daughter for so long now, daily for a year...am I REALLY ready to take the risk?
I wish I just knew. Just knew that this next one is her. For sure. Or even if I knew the next one is not her and thus she will never be. I just want to know.
Same feeling I felt when I was dating and wanting to be married. Just wanted to know if I ever would be, didn't care how long it took to find him.
Thank goodness I did.
What's a girl to do?? I am sure this too shall pass...
Or will it?