Tiny is almost two, a few days shy. I have found myself so teary and emotional the last few days.
No. Not pregnant.
Yet.
Reflecting on his birth and the trauma that followed.
See, Tiny came VERY fast and kind of early. I roll like that when I am birthing.
But he couldn't breathe so well.
And they took him by ambulance to the NICU in another city.
It was seriously the most traumatic thing I have endured as a mother.
They called it Hyaline Membrane Disease that morphed into alot of complications.
Pneumothorax for one.
He was drugged and sedated and poked full of tubes and drains and machines.
Like 80,00+ dollars for one week.
At first they couldn't tell us for sure he would make it out alive.
Probably was all they could offer.
Probably???
And every night, I had to leave my baby's side, come home, half way sort of sleep, and go back to the hospital.
Just leave him there. Alone.
I mean, nurses were there but I had carried him and grown him in my body.
INSIDE my body!! And then I just had to walk away.
What I wanted to do was snatch him into my arms and RUN as fast as I could.
But I didn't.
I listened to the neonatologists, the respiratory therapists, the RNs and NPs and the amazing staff and went home and tried to sleep.
And pumped.
He finally rallied and recovered and you would NEVER know he had such a sketchy start save for a little scar under his left arm where they had to poke a tube through his chest cavity when his LUNG EXPLODED! I could just barf now thinking about it all again.
Horrific.
But, he is well. And not all NICU stories end as delightfully as mine.
For that I am so thankful. And so emotional.
The NICU is where Tiny got his name Tiny.
From Harold the nurse. Who was ubercool and crazy smart and really really liked our baby.
Better than anyone else's I think.
He called him Tiny and Tiny he was. And is.
Except now he is more like the Chief.
But we won't talk about that.
Everybody gets to be two.
That's what we say in our house.
Thank you God, my Tiny gets to be two.
No. Not pregnant.
Yet.
Reflecting on his birth and the trauma that followed.
See, Tiny came VERY fast and kind of early. I roll like that when I am birthing.
But he couldn't breathe so well.
And they took him by ambulance to the NICU in another city.
It was seriously the most traumatic thing I have endured as a mother.
They called it Hyaline Membrane Disease that morphed into alot of complications.
Pneumothorax for one.
He was drugged and sedated and poked full of tubes and drains and machines.
Like 80,00+ dollars for one week.
At first they couldn't tell us for sure he would make it out alive.
Probably was all they could offer.
Probably???
And every night, I had to leave my baby's side, come home, half way sort of sleep, and go back to the hospital.
Just leave him there. Alone.
I mean, nurses were there but I had carried him and grown him in my body.
INSIDE my body!! And then I just had to walk away.
What I wanted to do was snatch him into my arms and RUN as fast as I could.
But I didn't.
I listened to the neonatologists, the respiratory therapists, the RNs and NPs and the amazing staff and went home and tried to sleep.
And pumped.
He finally rallied and recovered and you would NEVER know he had such a sketchy start save for a little scar under his left arm where they had to poke a tube through his chest cavity when his LUNG EXPLODED! I could just barf now thinking about it all again.
Horrific.
But, he is well. And not all NICU stories end as delightfully as mine.
For that I am so thankful. And so emotional.
The NICU is where Tiny got his name Tiny.
From Harold the nurse. Who was ubercool and crazy smart and really really liked our baby.
Better than anyone else's I think.
He called him Tiny and Tiny he was. And is.
Except now he is more like the Chief.
But we won't talk about that.
Everybody gets to be two.
That's what we say in our house.
Thank you God, my Tiny gets to be two.
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1 comment:
Hey, thanks for the comment on baby names! :) I used the ones I liked for my first 2 girls, so now I'm like?!?!?
Our first daugher was born here in Wales, a very traumatic birth- NICU, etc. sounds what you wrote about too. I'm not looking forward to giving birth here again, but God is in control!
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